Why I chose to home educate

DIARY: Monday 18th July appointment with CAMHS (Children and Mental Health Service) in Oswestry. It was useful to sit all together in a room and talk about how the accident had affected the family as a whole and how Kirt being unable to attend school had caused stress, particularly to me.

Kirt is suffering from school phobia following a car accident in which the other driver died – her car burst into flames as it hit us and she never got out of the car. Amazingly, although our car was a write-off we all walked away from it. John had a cracked sternum (and spent over 6 months recovering), I had bruises but our three children – Dane 14, Kirt 11, and Logan 4 - were unhurt – physically.

I spoke to a counsellor after the accident (the police have to offer this) and she said: “It can be more than six weeks after an accident that trauma occurs and if it does, whatever you do, don’t say ‘pull yourself together’ because they can’t.” Although I had told Kirt’s headmistress this (he went to a small private school) she had not talked to all the staff. Six weeks after the accident Kirt was in tears at school and begging to ring his parents. Kirt was told – you guessed: “Come on Kirt, it’s been six weeks since the accident – pull yourself together!” Of course he couldn’t. And it was weeks before I could get him back to school; eventually with the help of a psychotherapist we did get Kirt back to school but I had to stay with him a lot of the time.

Happily, when he went to secondary school (state school) the following September everything seemed to get back to normal and he was fine – until the following January – one year on from the accident and he wouldn’t go to school. We struggled until June *(goodness knows why – looking back I must have been mad). After half term in the summer term I decided I’d had enough and Kirt stayed at home and we learnt things together.

What was the final straw for me I think was, after the umpteenth time patiently persuading, cajoling, threatening, pleading with Kirt to get out of the car, walk into school, walk to the classroom – and then ending up in the sick room because he couldn’t get any further, the Education Welfare Officer (a woman) said to me: “Are you sure it’s Kirt who doesn’t want to leave you – or you that doesn’t want to leave Kirt?” When I thought about this afterwards, I was so angry – after all the pain we had endured, day after day, trying to get Kirt back to school. Then it occurred to me that perhaps school was not compulsory – it was like a light had suddenly been switched on. Mother-in-law didn’t agree but she’s still been very supportive in spite of this.

Back to my diary: Yesterday Kirt surprised me by saying that he would like to go back to school in September – Dane will be in year 11 and Kirt’s met the new head boy and girl who were at Dane’s party here last Saturday – this gives him confidence that he will be safe at school. I really don’t know what he’s frightened of – neither does he – he called it ‘this thing’ at CAMHS. Kirt can still be very negative so needs a lot of support and attention to keep him positive.

I am finding it incredibly stressful still – there are still so many questions that I can’t make decisions about.

Mrs. Elliott rang me from the Education Service (Inclusions Officer). She said we need to decide whether we are going to educate Kirt at home or whether we want a temporary tutoring at home with a view to him going back to school – how can I possibly answer this question? I need to know because if I teach him at home I can just teach the syllabus for him to pass exams in any way we choose – if he’s intending to go back to school we need to do it in the order his classmates are learning so he can fit back in as easily as possible.

If we do decide to educate Kirt at home, then I could teach Logan at home as well, BUT I can’t earn money to help us live at the same time and sick pay is only £55 per week.

I need to book the taxi for Logan next term by 1st August but I don’t even know if Logan is going to be at school – or whether I should take him as he still hates the taxi – but with only one serviceable car there’s a risk I won’t be able to get him to and from school without the taxi – and if I am working and Winnie (mother-in-law) is looking after the children he can’t get home from school without the taxi if I’m not around to pick him up as Winnie doesn’t drive.

In the event, my Dad had major heart surgery on 23rd August – at the QE Hospital in Birmingham (we live in Shropshire) so I decided there was no way I could support Logan at school and visit my Dad. Dad was in intensive care for 5 days with me and my sister at his bedside most of that time. He came out of hospital on 13th September and is convalescing here with us.

In order to support Logan at school I would have had to take him in the morning, fetch him in the afternoon and probably spend several lunchtimes with him, as well as going in to school once a week to hear his class read (which I had done the previous year). Although Kirt came with me to listen to the class read it would have made a big difference to Kirt as half the fun of learning at home is being away from home visiting learning environments. (I quickly learned that teaching at home is not sitting with school books following a syllabus – it’s finding out what your children are interested in and using that subject to learn other things – such as graphs and percentages.) Being tied to school times would have been a severe restriction. I couldn’t do any of this whilst I was visiting my Dad in Birmingham – or looking after him at home – so I wrote to the junior school:

“As you are aware, we had problems settling Logan in school last September which was due to family circumstances which affected him in various ways. This included the death of his Grandma (my mother) on 13th September followed closely by the inquest on 17th September after the car accident on 22Dec2003. Logan’s 12 year old brother Kirt is still suffering trauma related to the accident and I am teaching him at home for the time being. My husband was also quite ill after the inquest and we had to go away for a week’s holiday in October which again did not help Logan.

Although Logan made friends easily at nursery, the special friend he had was put in a different class and Logan has not found playtimes and lunchtimes at school a pleasant experience. Despite my coming to the school some lunchtimes and coming in each week to listen to his class read, Logan has not enjoyed school and I would like to teach him at home with Kirt for the time being.

I have no complaint with the way Logan has been treated at school, everyone has been very supportive and I would like to maintain contact with school. To this end, I would be very grateful if it is possible to keep Logan’s place open so he continues to be registered with the school and if there is any possibility of him attending after school activities or clubs I would be very happy to come along and help supervise.

I have looked into this and I believe it could have many advantages. Evidently this is the school’s decision and the LEA do not need to be involved (although they may be and I am happy to deal with any reservations here). Any ‘school age’ child who goes to school at all must attend regularly, but (in England and Wales) absence ‘with leave’ does not count as irregular attendance [Education Act 1996, s 444(3)]. It is for the school to grant this leave [s 444 (9)]. During such absences the child is officially at school, but is effectively being ‘educated off site’. He is therefore covered for insurance and attracts full funding.”

The above was quoted direct from Education Otherwise. I also wrote to Kirt’s school quoting the letter we had received from CAMHS which said they: “supported the family’s decision to educate Kirt at home for the time being” and asking for the school to keep Kirt’s place open, again quoting the above from Education Otherwise.

Needless to say, we have had no replies from either school but a letter from the Education Welfare Officer (the one who asked me if it was me that didn’t want to leave Kirt at school) - I am not expecting any sympathetic understanding of the trauma school phobia causes from this direction! The letter talks about ‘non-school attendance procedures’ if the children do not return to full time education immediately. I have written back in the hope that I can delay this until I have time to make a decision with regard to Logan and get some advice from Education Otherwise regarding Kirt. ‘For the time being’ does not fit into a tick box so I’m not expecting miracles even with support from CAMHS and letters from psychotherapists.

The fact is that the Education Service needs to provide for children who can not or do not wish to attend school full time for a valid reason – there should be a box for part time student but it appears your child needs to be ‘statemented’ in order to fit in this box and the school needs to provide extra funding. I’m not asking for anything special – just a place at the school of my choice as and when my children are ready for it.