Bullying - Story 5

Right – I will call my youngster ‘JOHN “ here .
This starts with ‘John “ aged 7

When John's parents divorced he choose to stay with his Disabled Dad and they relocated back to Bedfordshire. Life was not as ‘Affluent ‘ as he had been used to yet he did not seem to mind. He was a caring child and liked company and making people Happy. At Lower School he felt he 'stood out'. Other Kids would stop and watch him arrive at School sitting on his Dad's Electric Mobility Scooter - soon he found he was getting 'picked on' and could not figure out why anyone wanted to be nasty or harm folk – he had seen the long term effects of Injuries on his own Dad !

Checking Surveys with his Dad the noted that OVER 65% of Children with a disabled parent were bullied at School – they talked about that; if Dad dropped something at home...then John would automatically pick it up to help. I dare say if a teacher dropped a pencil he would automatically do the same, thus drawing attention to himself!

His Dad became concerned about Bullying when 'John' started coming home with Bruises – he spoke to Staff who put it down as Play fighting but said they would speak to any 'Culprits' if it continued.

Continue it did - John was taken to Hospital twice with suspected fractures – the Head assured Dad that she was dealing with the main culprit who was known. Yet nothing seemed to happen and the 'lad' appeared to have a small gang of kids backing him up!

Things came to a head one lunch time when 2 kids and 'John' had been playing a game at a table and one of the Gang approached them, swearing and disrupting the Game. The Kitchen staff reported the swearing to the Class Tutor – she spoke to all the Kids – the 'gang member' said that 'John' had been swearing and throwing stuff around – he claimed he had not! The kids were spoken to privately and all said 'John' had been swearing, so when dad arrived at the school that afternoon the Teacher told him of the incident. John protested his innocence but was'told off' in front of Dad for being a Liar! Dad suggested that the matter be looked into further – something seemed wrong to him. Later that evening he got a phone call from an upset parent – her son had been playing with John – and had started crying in the car on the way home – he had told his Mum what had happened at Lunch and that he felt too scared of the 'gang bully' so had lied to the teacher and said it was 'john' being nasty. Now he felt guilty and awful. The Mum wrote to the school – John's dad had a meeting with the Head who still claimed there was no bullying in the school and said that Kitchen staff had witnessed the 'incident' it might be hard to tell what had happened but the incident was closed!

John lost faith in his Form Teacher and was very depressed. Dad asked the GP for a referral to the Hospital Paediatricians. Dad had for many years worked part time with Youth Justice Teams and could spot when things were not 'quite right'.

The meeting at the Hospital threw a new light on what was going on. John broke down in tears and told how every break time 3 kids from the 'Gang' would grab him, restrain him while they took turns punching him and swearing at him. The doctors were concerned and diagnosed 'Reactive depression'. They wrote to the School and Dad asked for a change of Class – the School would only offer to keep 'John' indoors at playtime – but he felt the Culprits were being let off whilst he, the victim, was being punished!

John was under 9 at this time!

Choosing a good middle school was a difficult choice. John's Mum had just moved over 200 miles away (she used to live only 40 miles away and see quite a lot of him at weekends) so, despite confidence building and help from a Young Carers Social Team, he was still not that resiliant .

The Head of Year at a Middle School promised that she had 'ZERO Tolerance' to Bullying and he would be safe there so even though 3 of the old 'players' from Lower School were going to the same school, 'John' wanted to go to that school – the Head of Year made sure they were in different Classes.

Soon his 'Day Book' was filling up with 'incidents of Bullying'. The Head would speak to Kids + Parents yet there were NO exclusions and he felt at Risk going to School. More letters from his GP naming the Culprits – yet little seemed to happen. He was again getting very unhappy and Doctors, Social Workers and his Dad were very concerned. Dad spoke to the Head who was very defensive of his School. It seemed obvious to Dad that the Head of Year was not getting support from other Staff to deal with the 'Bullying', so he spoke to another School where a Bright new Head had been brought in to bring about big changes in the Culture of the School. He was impressed and 'John' went to meet the Head.

"We do unfortunately get some bullying here too", he said, "but we have a special unit where, IF an incident happens – the Pupil(s) go there – Staff find out what is going on – make a report to me and I act on it – often excluding the culprit for a day or so and talking to their parents."

So now 10 – John changed schools. His Dad became a Governor at the School and looked into Health and Safety matters so was a frequent visitor at the School. The school was in a 'problem' Catchment Area – with a high proportion of Parents with drug/Crime/Anti-social/Domestic problems – yet for the 1st term John felt so much better. He no longer though could trust teachers or could confide in them.

By the 2nd term he was getting fed up with being punched – but at least those Kids were getting detentions and even exclusions.

At governors' meetings the Head said that HMI criticised him for making so many exclusions but we (the Governors) made our backing clear. In a School Survey the majority of Kids said there was a lot of Bullying at the school. Quite a few of us were very concerned; the Head brought a Drama Teacher in and Year 8 and 9 Kids put on a wonderful 'Role Play' Drama to Assembly about Bullying.

It seemed to Dad that, although Bullying Incidents were generally being 'jumped on', there was still a 'low level' nastiness that was hard to address; a Yob Culture that ruled and that some Staff had grown rather immune to.

By February 2005 – John in Year 7 at age 11 was getting depressed and School Phobic, having night Tremors and feeling scared and at risk going to School. He was often so worn out that he was not fit enough to go to School. Dad was thinking a Fresh Start might be needed and they looked at schooling abroad in Cyprus where the Climate also suited Dad's Spinal Injuries and Arthritic Fractures.

After February Half Term a new child arrived at the School – one of John's '‘Old Bullies' from his last School. Hhad really had enough and was getting more disturbed Nightmares and Suicidal Thoughts. At a Parents' Meeting 'Dad' Flagged up how desperate '‘John' was to the Head Of Year: "Sometimes at 2am he will run into my room Crying and curl up in a Feotal Position at the bottom of my Bed – the Kid needs help! Could you ask the School Mentor to talk to him and offer any support?"

The Head of Year still thought that John seemed Fine at school (John still did not trust Teachers so hid his fears) and thought there might be a 'problem' at home. So the Head had to put her concerns to Social Services who visited 'to investigate Poor School Attendance' and 'any possible Child Abuse' as they were told 'Child Sleeps in Dads Bed'!

They were happy that such thoughts were unfounded, helpful in that while chatting in private to 'John' he opened up to them about how rotten he felt at School etc... The investigating social Worker went the extra mile and helped get a Cam H Team on board, liaise between the School Young Carers and offered a letter of Support if we wished to move and make a Fresh Start.

So during a meeting with Cam H (Family Consultation Clinic) in May 2005, two trained workers had a long chat with John on his own, then in private with Dad. He is very depressed and confused; perhaps some changes need to be made for him ?

"Yes I agree – have you heard of Education Otherwise?" Dad said.

"Oh yes!" Both of them smiled.

"Well we have looked into it – the local group is very large and impressive – I think that is the best option now; perhaps in time a relocation."

John was asked back into the room. Dad took the lead,

"Right John. 'bout time we made a few changes to make life happier. Here are some forms for Deregistering from School. That puts me in charge of your Education and we can go to Education Otherwise Tutorial Groups, Socialise at Events and even do GCSEs without you having to go to School! BUT, I will lay down a minimum hours of Education Work to do every week and we must do it! Would you like that?"

John smiled a real smile for the first time in months. "Yes Please Dad."

"OK...then I am signing these forms in front of these Doctors– they will help you if you want to talk over any problems in the future."

The forms were signed and now 'John' is meeting lots of nice Kids. So many have left school because of Bullying and Parents being disillusioned with the 'YOB RULE' Cult at many of our Schools. I am meeting many 'Tutors' and School Governors – like myself - and am so glad to have my happy child back again!

It was a very stressful period to go through. Perhaps in hindsight I should of Deregistered him sooner. In May when he was seeing our GP the Dr said, "Look – you're a nice caring young man with good values - don’t feel that you have to change!"

That comment rang true with me. IF he wanted to fit into our local schools – then really he would have to become a Yob himself, swear at teachers, shoplift and be nasty like the 'pack that runs the playground'.

I DO NOT blame all problems on the Schools; we as parents need to help make changes and IF a Child sees violence and swearing as the norm at home – it will be his norm!

But in my Letter of Resignation from the Governors, as I am no longer a 'Parent Governor', I stated 'That Bullying should be looked upon like 'racism'. With Zero Tolerance!'